Eels and seals, buddy Joe…oh, I think I might know
Yes, I think I might know why your tummy’s so sore
Oh for hairy Pete’s sake, good compadre, tough break
I’m afraid you just swallowed a human

What was that, cheerless chum? Yeah, well, where I come from
All the whales tell some tales about humanish folk
Maybe songs of hot doom when they come with harpoons
But a lot of the stories were comedy

And the one common thread that ran through all they said?
It’s that humans are smart, but they surely aren’t wise
They will make their bold plans to impress fellow man
Then they end up inside a whale’s belly

What does all of this mean for the one near your spleen?
Well, I wish I had sunnier news to convey
Here’s the positive part: he’ll most likely depart
But what damage will he leave behind?

Will he tickle your throat with an oar from his boat?
Or instead fill your head up with smoke from a fire?
Well, whatever he’ll do will be no good for you
That’s a thing that I sadly can promise

But the worst of the worst (if you don’t, in fact, burst)
Will be all of the garbage that he leaves behind
And for weeks, Joe, your breath will smell awful as death
Because men are smart, foolish…and dirty