Back when I was a little child
My mother called them “Tiny Taters”
Which I think is what was written
On the bag (back in the day
Our people often spoke in brands)

And so I grew up with the spuds
The knobbly, oil-soaked little critters
Frequent co-stars on the table
Complementing frozen Steak-Umms
(Trademark Steak-Umm LLC)

I went to school and got my own
Apartment, and I started cooking
For myself and for my wife
Well, my old pals, the “tater tots”
Would show up (every now and then)

But I suppose there came a time
When it occurred to me that they
Had more in common with grenades
Than similarity in form
(I mean they just might blow you up)

So years went by without me eating
Hardly any teeny taters
I can’t say I really missed them
Didn’t even think of them
(Besides, I still ate lots of fries)

But then this hipster moment happened
And the bars I like all started
Serving little deep-fried nuggets
That they simply labeled “tots”
(Exquisite morsels, welcome back!)